bad burn

im not yet over my 'hot head/irritable/angsty/fucked up/bitter' mood. although it has subsided a bit, my temperance is still way above its normal level. whats wrong with me?!

im turning 23 a few hours from now, and at last, it starts to sink in that i'll be having a 'birthday anniversary' tomorrow, is it too early or too late for that? but instead of following the saying that 'with age comes maturity' im going the opposite way. i havent been, in anyway productive for the past how many months; i have lost all the 'directions' i planned to take when i entered college, im getting very irritable lately; and i can't help these materialistic inclinations.

and speaking of, i was walking in the mall, 'alone' as usual, and i was thinking of my wishlist, may it be for my birthday or whatsoever. so, what the hell, here it goes, if you care in anyway at all.

1) i wish i could afford those overpriced party hats for 2mrws party.
well technically, i could, but i wouldn't spend 80 bux for 20 hats made out of cut-out cardboards, kahit na birthday ko pa. not when my family is having its own fiscal crisis.



2) i wish all those i invited would come to my party.
i only invited very selected people cuz im under a very tight budget. however, i think ive compensated for the effort i have and will put up for that party. i commuted all the way to paranaque just to get that videoke thing that would hopefully work and carry that 300lb thing back through the mrt ride. i went shopping myself. i transported alotta things from fairview to cubao (like the vacuum, coolers, grills, etc, u get the pic). i will clean that over dust-coated floor in cubao. etc.. well, i just hope that people would come and actually enjoy.



3) i wish i could afford to invite my ever dear friends to the party.
namely sara, dewi, trina, jace and ala;
kuya macky, preppy and wek;
christiane, mike, and pai;
karla, tia, sabssy, and ian;
oh, how sad it is for me not being able to invite you, but that's the way it has to be. i just hope that you guys would always remember that you would forever be dear to me, even if you don't share the same sentiments that i have, or even if you have forgotten my name.
anyway, who said that they actually wanted to go in the first place.



4) i wish that my parents wouldn't have to work so hard anymore..
and earn just a bit. oh i wonder how the hell are we able to survive each day with complete meals, electricty and water; i guess that's why we hear words such as 'miracles' and 'divine interventions'; and i thank our Dear Poon for that.



5) i wish i have that flip phone from samsung...
called [something] G H - E600. its 13,500bux so im just 12,500 short. i told you i cant help these materialistic inclinations. and im wishing for this right after wishing that my mom and dad dont have to work anymore. how convinient huh? whats weird is that i WAS always feeling 'fine' with my phone, and didn't really care about that it is a non-polyphonic, 2-tone phone, but NOT lately. i guess the media really has its way of 'catching up'. anyway, to make an excuse, id just say that every wishlist has these things so why go against tradition.



6) i wish i have a mini...
of any series. i just cant help this. i love cars and i love the minis most dearly. you'll just have to forgive me



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hmm, i suddenly remember that time when i hated birthdays, especially my own.. but thats too long a story.

anyway, ive been making this post since 10:21pm and its 11:41 right now. it took me more than an hour to post? whats wrong with me?

hmm. its almost the 4th of march, and im almost 23. and i have to sleep.